I love the phrase "American Dream". It sounds so clean, fresh, motivating...and all of these great positive words that a single Webster Dictionary can hold. What I love about the phrase is that many politicians and corporations try to make the phrase a category. Meaning that most or "all" Americans have the same dreams, or try to attain the same goals. Maybe, just maybe, that is a tad bit true.
Most of us want a nice income, a beautiful house, great family relationships, smoking hot husband or wife, and the most beautiful and talented children on the planet.... or do we? Maybe the American Dream of having all of these things or criteria have brain washed us, conditioned us to want those same things. In the event we don't have these very same things we feel odd or different. We compensate our bad relationships with great work ethics. We compensate for living an average life with getting the car or truck of our dreams; hence being a Mid Life Crisis. Compensation just goes on...and on.... and on......
What if we sat down and really thought about the "American Dream" as not being a category, but an idea. "The American Dream" describes our freedoms, our hopes, our dreams, our goals, and our achievements. We are so much more than stuff, things, possessions. A lot of people are realizing that just living in a house that meets their basic needs of shelter, but traveling to see the country, spending time in their gardens, spending time with their children, cuddling up to a good book, or trying new things (foods, workouts, fun free clinics) is more important than paying for non necessity items like cable.
People are learning to live on adjusted incomes with fewer hours so they can actually have a day off to enjoy things they never have! Things like time with family. It's amazing. The crunch that the categorized "American Dream" makes us unhealthy. It's when you realize the "American Dream is an idea that you can truly wake up and think about the necessities, and achieve the freedoms you want!
Responsibilities over power the need to be a consumer! Once a free rationality is attained your thinking changes and becomes more communicable! Think about it! If you are stuck at an office or a machine for 12 hours a day, in an environment where you are only exposed to thinking about your work, and responsible for your work alone, you are being programed to only think about yourself. You are being mentally and physically wiped out! All these days and hours of robot thinking and doing takes a toll, so when you do have a day off your mind and body has to recuperate. Making you almost incapacitated and lethargic. How can you enjoy that big house you bought, put together the antique car, or even play ball with your kids when your mind wants you to rest? Are you really living the "American Dream"? No your living in a category.
Now say you work 8 hours a day, down grade/ get rid of the unnecessary things that you are paying extra for, and missing out on anyways, and actually go out to a town fair, a men's or woman's group you start to socialize. From there you build relationships, and you begin being part of a bigger community of people. Once relationships are established you take an interest in others lives and see causes left and right. You no longer think of yourself, and you no longer have that robot mentality! You are now communicable! Now your living in an idea!
The idea aspect of the American dream gives you freedom to think for yourself. Remember an idea is not confined! It is free to grow! A category is a bubble or a box, used to separate items for organization and control! A category can grow yes, but there is never freedom. Someone above you decides the criteria and controls what category the item goes into; making you a possession.
The saying goes "The stuff you own ends up owning you".
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
What Death Means To Me!
I wanted to elaborate on my insensitivity. I am by no means insensitive. Especially considering I have the gift of empathy. I can feel people's sadness, pain, joy, and yes...sometimes tickles. I know, sounds weird, but it's one of the many gifts that God has blessed me and a lot of people with.
Yesterday Trav and I were alone, driving to the bank, and talking about his friend that is dying from colon cancer. Travis had made a statement on facebook that his "problems" seemed smaller than others because of this fact. I was seriously processing the conversation, taking it all in. When I said "Death isn't the problem". I didn't mean it like it sounded (insert foot here), I was seriously thinking about the process of death. I watched it first hand. Made me think of Dad, and I was getting to the sympathy part of the conversation, but I was beginning to think of solutions, and asked Trav: "Has he tried this. Has he tried that?" In my mind there is always a solution, and I am always looking for one, even up til the very last second. So Trav looks at me and states that I'm being insensitive, and is very put out.
I took offense to that, I made a couple remarks, secretly began to cry, but let it go immediately. I had felt that because I hadn't processed everything in, and evaluated what I wanted to say, I wouldn't be able to explain myself A.); and B.) If I was overly sincere at the time, Trav may think I was being phony. I didn't want him to think I was being insincere in any way. More importantly he was clearly upset, and I knew if I made this discussion in any way about me it would be selfish. He is obviously very hurt and is confiding in me; with that said I should be able to take all emotions coming out of this so that eventually he will be able to rationalize and process what he is thinking and feeling. Thus leading to healing.
Later on that night I finally got to explain why I feel death isn't the problem, and what I had meant by what I said. To me there are three types of deaths. First off is death from a sickness or years of captivity; take martyrs. Yes the death hurts, but we know that it's coming, or that it is inevitable.
Second is a tragic death. Someone we love dies in a car accident. We get the feelings of "WOW there is so much I would have said if I had know this person was going to die". It's more of a shocker with a feeling of lost time. There isn't any preparation, unless you took the proper steps to plan ahead.
The third type of death I believe is the darkest and cruelest form. The Ungodly. An example is a child is kidnapped, found raped, beaten, and the corpse has been badly abused. Who on Earth would do such a thing? This kind of death can leave us questioning our faith; either leading us away from God, or oddly enough drawing us closer.
This is how I look at death. It's not that I do not have sympathy. I do. Death hurts period. I've seen parents look to God and praise him. They are proud their son or daughter is in heaven. I've seen husbands and wives fall apart and disclaim faith, and do not want to be social to people. I guess I look at how someone has died, or is dying. That is how I process death and it better helps me understand what emotions people are going through, and what process, if any are they in.
When I explained this to him he seemed to understand where I was coming from, and I was able to better be there for him. My sympathy had not left, and I felt his confusion, and his sympathy for his friend. It is amazing to see Travis have emotions like this after such a long time of being almost Zombie like, and not being able to handle his emotions. So he shut them out. I would be insensitive if I didn't let him feel what he was feeling; even if I inadvertently hurt his feelings, and he lashed out a bit.
I know in my experience of watching Dad's whole death process changed my life forever. It was like the Grim Reaper was there with us. Standing next to him at his bed, in the car with us, next to chemo chair, in the radiation room. For me Death was an entity. Death brought me closer to the Lord, and made me realize there is nothing to fear about Death. When it's your time Death will be there to take you.
In that being said I also believe that the will to live, our spirit is so strong. Before my Dad took his final breath my Dad fought. Hospice gave him so much morphine to put a bull to rest, but he was still adamant about coming home with the kids and I. It wasn't until he gave in did he finally calm down enough to be at peace, and allow his body to die. As sad as it was it was still beautiful, and I saw a relationship with Death that not too many people get to experience.
Am I sad for what people go through? Yes very very much. I guess the point I'm getting at is that I may be desensitized, but I'm not insensitive at all. I believe I am desensitized enough to understand the relationship between life and death, and to help other's deal with their mourning process. When it comes to others, and how they feel, you cannot and should not ever make this about you. It's not fair, and it's not right. Being objective and listening to what they have to say is the most compassionate way to be.
I told Trav I was sorry his friend was dying, and asked him how he felt knowing he may never see him again in the realm. This gave him time to think about what he was feeling, and the opportunity to talk it out. I believe we connected more, and I feel like I was effective in helping him cope with this cruel reality that his friend is dying, and he may never see him again. His friend is a young father and a young husband. Trav played basket ball with him as a kid. They were kids growing up together and they are very close in age. Of course this is going to upset Travis, and of course this is going to hit home, and force Travis to evaluate questions he may now have for himself!
Yesterday Trav and I were alone, driving to the bank, and talking about his friend that is dying from colon cancer. Travis had made a statement on facebook that his "problems" seemed smaller than others because of this fact. I was seriously processing the conversation, taking it all in. When I said "Death isn't the problem". I didn't mean it like it sounded (insert foot here), I was seriously thinking about the process of death. I watched it first hand. Made me think of Dad, and I was getting to the sympathy part of the conversation, but I was beginning to think of solutions, and asked Trav: "Has he tried this. Has he tried that?" In my mind there is always a solution, and I am always looking for one, even up til the very last second. So Trav looks at me and states that I'm being insensitive, and is very put out.
I took offense to that, I made a couple remarks, secretly began to cry, but let it go immediately. I had felt that because I hadn't processed everything in, and evaluated what I wanted to say, I wouldn't be able to explain myself A.); and B.) If I was overly sincere at the time, Trav may think I was being phony. I didn't want him to think I was being insincere in any way. More importantly he was clearly upset, and I knew if I made this discussion in any way about me it would be selfish. He is obviously very hurt and is confiding in me; with that said I should be able to take all emotions coming out of this so that eventually he will be able to rationalize and process what he is thinking and feeling. Thus leading to healing.
Later on that night I finally got to explain why I feel death isn't the problem, and what I had meant by what I said. To me there are three types of deaths. First off is death from a sickness or years of captivity; take martyrs. Yes the death hurts, but we know that it's coming, or that it is inevitable.
Second is a tragic death. Someone we love dies in a car accident. We get the feelings of "WOW there is so much I would have said if I had know this person was going to die". It's more of a shocker with a feeling of lost time. There isn't any preparation, unless you took the proper steps to plan ahead.
The third type of death I believe is the darkest and cruelest form. The Ungodly. An example is a child is kidnapped, found raped, beaten, and the corpse has been badly abused. Who on Earth would do such a thing? This kind of death can leave us questioning our faith; either leading us away from God, or oddly enough drawing us closer.
This is how I look at death. It's not that I do not have sympathy. I do. Death hurts period. I've seen parents look to God and praise him. They are proud their son or daughter is in heaven. I've seen husbands and wives fall apart and disclaim faith, and do not want to be social to people. I guess I look at how someone has died, or is dying. That is how I process death and it better helps me understand what emotions people are going through, and what process, if any are they in.
When I explained this to him he seemed to understand where I was coming from, and I was able to better be there for him. My sympathy had not left, and I felt his confusion, and his sympathy for his friend. It is amazing to see Travis have emotions like this after such a long time of being almost Zombie like, and not being able to handle his emotions. So he shut them out. I would be insensitive if I didn't let him feel what he was feeling; even if I inadvertently hurt his feelings, and he lashed out a bit.
I know in my experience of watching Dad's whole death process changed my life forever. It was like the Grim Reaper was there with us. Standing next to him at his bed, in the car with us, next to chemo chair, in the radiation room. For me Death was an entity. Death brought me closer to the Lord, and made me realize there is nothing to fear about Death. When it's your time Death will be there to take you.
In that being said I also believe that the will to live, our spirit is so strong. Before my Dad took his final breath my Dad fought. Hospice gave him so much morphine to put a bull to rest, but he was still adamant about coming home with the kids and I. It wasn't until he gave in did he finally calm down enough to be at peace, and allow his body to die. As sad as it was it was still beautiful, and I saw a relationship with Death that not too many people get to experience.
Am I sad for what people go through? Yes very very much. I guess the point I'm getting at is that I may be desensitized, but I'm not insensitive at all. I believe I am desensitized enough to understand the relationship between life and death, and to help other's deal with their mourning process. When it comes to others, and how they feel, you cannot and should not ever make this about you. It's not fair, and it's not right. Being objective and listening to what they have to say is the most compassionate way to be.
I told Trav I was sorry his friend was dying, and asked him how he felt knowing he may never see him again in the realm. This gave him time to think about what he was feeling, and the opportunity to talk it out. I believe we connected more, and I feel like I was effective in helping him cope with this cruel reality that his friend is dying, and he may never see him again. His friend is a young father and a young husband. Trav played basket ball with him as a kid. They were kids growing up together and they are very close in age. Of course this is going to upset Travis, and of course this is going to hit home, and force Travis to evaluate questions he may now have for himself!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Drum Roll Please............................................
We had our sonogram and found out............
IT'S A GIRL!!!! YAY!!! IT'S A TESSA!!!!
As you can tell I am very very excited! LOL
IT'S A GIRL!!!! YAY!!! IT'S A TESSA!!!!
As you can tell I am very very excited! LOL
Monday, March 12, 2012
What'll It Be Today? Coffee, Tea, Boy, Girl????
Today is the day! We find out whether we are having a boy or a girl. I do not care either way! I want a healthy bebe. I know I cannot wait to meet Tessa or Warren, and I dream about holding them, smelling their little baby scent, and rubbing their little feet. I want this so bad I am emotional about it.
I am 22 weeks and as of today I am not scared. I do not care what people say, no matter how many children you have you are always nervous about the labor and delivery. I have 5 children and my level of emotion changes from day to day. Heck my emotional stand point can change in the next few seconds! It just depends on the environmental factors around me, or what influences me to think or have on my mind.
So in close, I am just looking forward to a healthy baby! Whomever God decides to entrust me with!
he he he I am so so excited!
I am 22 weeks and as of today I am not scared. I do not care what people say, no matter how many children you have you are always nervous about the labor and delivery. I have 5 children and my level of emotion changes from day to day. Heck my emotional stand point can change in the next few seconds! It just depends on the environmental factors around me, or what influences me to think or have on my mind.
So in close, I am just looking forward to a healthy baby! Whomever God decides to entrust me with!
he he he I am so so excited!
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